Last night was a nightmare, we went to church and it turns out they were doing baby dedications(baptism's). I had to walk out, that was one of the things I had really looked forward to doing. So, seeing it broke my heart. I assure you had I known the events of the evening we would not have been there. Granted I survived through that moment, none the less it was hard.
My husband and I started to go to church because one, we were lead by our God daughter (which is ironic, we're supposed to lead her) and two, we were pregnant and wanted God to be apart of our baby's life. I mean that's what we're supposed to do, raise our kids in the church with the bible and its teachings as our guide. See my husband's parents are in every sense of the words true Christians, that's just the way it is. So he was raised in the church knowing which path is the right one. As any good parents do, his taught him morals and the word of god as a child. However, as a young man they knew he had his own will and had to choose his own path and prayed he would choose the right one.
In my early childhood spent a lot of time with my grandmother, who also tried to instill in me the teachings of the bible. My parents believed in God and taught us there is a God but, just the bare minimums. But, I always longed to know more and have a relationship with God. For a couple of years I tried on my own, but that's not the same as having someone else to support you. So when my husband and I met we thought it was nice that we both had that base relationship established as little children.
We had been talking about going to church for a long time,never really serious we kept putting it off. We knew once we were blessed with a child, it was time. Everything on the faith side began to fall into place. I had always been a pessimistic person, and always thought I got the short end of the stick no matter what. Always thinking the worst of everyone, never trusting anyone. Elena changed all that I became more positive, saw more blessings in the everyday little things and most of all, started to have faith in the unknown. Just having FAITH, my husband will testify has always been an issue for me. I can't just leave well enough alone. I need to know exactly why I am being asked to believe in something.
Moving along through the pregnancy, I enjoyed going to church and guess what, my faith sky rocketed, After Elena was born I couldn't wait to go back to church especially with my baby. In talking to friends or just people I knew about going to church, I would find myself almost preaching. ME, Doubting Thomas, having faith and believing God loves me. I still do believe that, and I still have faith although it wavered. At first angry with God can't begin to explain what I felt. Because I am human, the first questions were why, why me? I felt a promise was broken. I felt shorted. cheated. I felt God was an Indian giver. As the days past I began finding peace in the fact that there was a reason beyond my understanding. And that deep down inside I knew God had a valid reason and he didn't need my approval. Keeping my faith strong and leaving decisions in God's hands will guarantee me a reunion with my Angel.
I have always had a fascination with Angels, could it be because God knew one day I'd be the proud mommy of an Angel?
Comments