Just keep swimming

First, I would like to let everyone know I am very proud of my Jerry.  Well, we received the autopsy results and surprise; surprise it did absolutely nothing for me. What was I expecting it to do? I honestly don't know. They said it was acute hypoxia due to neonatal gastroesophagel reflux disease. GAS!? From reading the autopsy report I can't really see where they got their conclusion from, but whatever. Doesn't really make a difference does it. Funny I have a death certificate, yet still no birth certificate. Of course now I feel this urgency to get her birth certificate (I'm working on it).

 Fathers Day was a bit rough, my heart just broke every time I saw a little girl and her daddie. Jerry misses her so much. He really likes Finding Nemo, he even told me he just tells himself everyday to "just keep swimming, just keep swimming". So, when I went to the card store (anyone who knows me, knows I mean Hallmark my fave). I was looking at cards and right there in my face a Finding Nemo fathers day card. Elena picked it out, it was perfect I was even able to add to some of the wording to make it specific to our situation. He really liked that. Another hurdle survived.

I would like to add to Jerry's entry by saying. It amazes me that when we found out I was pregnant, and we started to go to church; we just went; there was no discussion no decision it was just understood mutually. I wonder now let me correct that I know now God was preparing us for what was to come. I know this because even though I have my bad days and rough patches overall I'm okay. I know where my little girl is. She's having a grand ole time running a muck up there I'm sure. And that comforts me so much. It comforts me that we are only separated for a short while and later I get to spend eternity with my little girl, just hugging, squeezing and holding her tight. My precious little Angel.

Comments

[Nilda]

God bless you Christine & Jerry, I never had the opportunity to personally give you both my condolesence, I am sure you know that you are in my prayers and in my heart, I cannot say "I understand" because I cannot even imagine what you both have gone through, but all I can say from the bottom of my heart is that ONLY GOD knows why.....and that he has given you both an extrodinary strength and only GOD can do that! in reading your blog it has just strenghting my faith and by doing so, I get closer and closer to God,and I am sure that the same is happening to many more that may read it. like i SAID before only God knows why and when and the purpose. I encourage you to continue writing, there is a purpose. You are a strong woman, a woman of God a woman with purpose God bless you both.

Nilda