Today it's chilly out. Getting our cold weather you know the 70's all day, hey for Florida that's cold. More and more I am reminiscent of this time last year. Suffocating while everyone around me is freezing. When my belly was full, birthing classes would be starting very soon. The wobble a little wider. The back pain unbearable, and don't even get me started on the heart burn (you all see how much hair she had, right). The baby book was getting filled out. Reading five different pregnancy books and every baby magazine I could get my hands on. Waiting for the nursery furniture to arrive. Looking for the perfect bedding set. Counting down the days. Feeling her in my tummy constantly moving around. Getting impatient about the day I would come to meet her. The cold reminds me of waiting for and holding her. After she went to heaven it never really got cold again. I found myself commenting on the beautiful weather at least twenty times today. Then it dawned on me it's not the weather it's the memories of my sweet baby. The absolute joy I felt this time last year. WOW! What a difference a year makes.
Then there's the absolute dread of the season to come. THE HOLIDAYS! immediately followed by her 1st birthday. The other day I received a catalog on 1st birthday kits, of course the tears came rollin in. My gosh, can they think of anything else. I feel tormented sometimes. Like constant old neon lights with their annoying buzzing and flickering all the time, reminding me I don't have a baby to hold. I'm trying to keep it together. Reminding myself the anticipation is always worse than the act (or in our case, the day) itself.
I do know, I'd like to do something special for her 1st birthday. What, is the question.
To our sweet sweet baby girl, Happy Birthday, Mommie and Daddie Love you very much.
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