Everything is okay right now. The more time goes be the more back to normal we seem to be getting. Don't get me wrong, we still think of her every waking moment of the day. We really really miss her. Sunday was very emotional for us. We had another one of "Elena's Graduation Ceremonies". The hospital puts on these Memorial Services for Bereaved parents every 6 months, and they roll call and have a moment of silence for each name while the parents come up and collect a rose. Since it's the closest we'll get we call it her Graduation. At first I wasn't sure I wanted to attend. You know rehash when we've come so far. Yet, I am so glad I did go. It just feels so good after having a good SOB. You immediately feel refreshed. You know what I mean, crying so hard you begin to hyperventilate almost and your chest starts to hurt from the swelling in and out and you just cry from the very deep bottom part of your stomach and you pull out all the pain and hurt you've been shoving down for quite some time just to get by. It just feels so good to pull it all back up and just let it out. and just let it all out. I recommend everyone have a GOOD CRY at least once a month.
I remember those first weeks home after I had Elena. Let me just say I was hysterical. I would be washing bottles at the sink(which consumes about 40% of your day) just looking out the window and start sobbing for absolutely no reason. I'd be on the phone with Jerry and I would just start sobbing. I must have have cried for 2 whole weeks for no reason at all. Now that I think about it they must have been tears of sheer bliss. I have never been so happy in my life. I was so eager to give up "my " life for this little beautiful pint sized munchkin who consumed and and became the center of my world.
Please remember today is October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, please have a moment of silence in rememberance of all our babies.
To my sweet Angel, I Love You. I can't wait for eternity to start.
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